It Hurt Soooo Good

Thanksgiving frazzle

IS that a word?  

The Wee One had a bit of news for me over the long holiday weekend ~  but let me review...

She was given to me after 5 years of praying, wishing, hoping and the other stuff you have to do to make a baby. When she arrived she was my priority. She came to me at a time when I could give her all my love and attention. I have written about her talents and gifts. The young woman that is loved by all, young and old. The old soul with an exceptional sense of humor and perfect timing. 

My daughter turned 18 in February and has been a really great girl, daughter, friend, homie, honey and so much more.  She has decided to move out.  Not just OUT but AWAY, Far Far Away

She will be moving to Florida on January 1st. She has a female friend there who has a big house and room for one more roommate. She will go to school there and begin her adult life outside of her mama's reach.

I was dying inside but rock solid on the outside. I listened to what she wanted... This 18 year old baby girl... holding inside my wishes and wants... (I do whatever I want after all.... Now it is her turn) This child that God gave me to raise, to teach and adore... My heart wanting what is best for her...  I promised my support...  I asked if she was "telling me"  she was moving, or "asking for permission." She said she was asking for permission. This is something for me to hold on to, a sign that although she is leaving California she isn't leaving me. 

Over the next few days (of me falling apart while she slept quietly) I agonized over my fears. My inadequacy as a parent and questions of what direction she would take. I turned to a Dear Friend who acknowledged my fears and gave me the support I needed so badly.  With that in hand I woke my daughter in the early morning to review my heart.  She listened quietly and held my hand.  I have done the best that I can.  I could have done better but I can't change that now. I outlined my fears, gave lots of advice, encouraged her to be responsible.  She let me know things wouldn't change much. She promised to call me daily and continue with school. I let her know home will always be here and that I would always be here for her.  I also advised her that stepping away as she plans is a step into adulthood with all of the responsibilities.  I cannot pay her rent,  I cannot pay for her groceries. I cannot pay for clothes, music, movies... but I will pay for tuition and books. She thanked me. 

A family lunch followed where the subject came up innocently when someone asked if she would be changing schools in the spring.  ha ha ha 

The Adventure Begins!!!